Yesterday I wrote a blog post about The 3 Things You Must Agree Upon Before Separating.

Today I want to go over the 3 Possible Outcomes of a Marital Separation. While there are other outliers, this will cover the vast majority of couples who separate.

  1. The couple will decide they want to try again, and move back in together – this of course is no guarantee they will stay married forever, but having been out, and deciding to recommit is a good sign for a marriage.
  2. The party who pushed for the separation will show or announce they want a divorce – sometimes, the time away from the partner and the home reinforces the unhappy partner’s opinion that they would rather be apart. While often sad for the partner who was left, it can at least end the state of limbo and set a course for a direction.
  3. The party who DIDN’T push for the separation will feel abandoned and will decide they want a divorce – there is only so long the more committed partner can wait for the ambivalent partner to return. I call this “lying on the operating table with your guts open” and it is painful. At some point, self-preservation kicks in for most people.

I figure some people will argue there is a fourth outcome – the mutual agreement to divorce. I think in most cases I have seen, it’s not really accurate – it’s just one partner has known they wanted a divorce but wouldn’t say it, until the other partner brings up divorce – at which point they concur.

Separation can work, but requires a lot of structure, maturity and communication. I suggest you use an experienced marriage counselor when you try it.

I wish you all the best! Peter